Dear Former Guest from a far-away land,
I am really sorry I have to write you this letter.
I'm afraid that you and other readers will think me mean spirited and petty but I just have to take the risk because, since your visit, things haven't quite been the same around here, and every time you threaten to come back to see us again I feel enraged and sad.
And I cannot cope with this rage that has been on a low simmer for months.
Why didn't I/we tell you how we feel in private? Because we hate confrontations. Call us passive-aggressive if you wish, but we are unable to do it face to face.
Besides, with having a number of friends in common, I'd rather tell the story first instead than having them hear it from you.
You said that you were going to be "the perfect guest" but, you know, it is not OK when you visit a couple to chase one of them around the house and grab his private parts at every opportunity.
Yes I should have been firm and said no the first time it happened, but I was really hoping that once you got what you wanted you would have left me in peace for the rest of your long visit.
It is not OK to offer to pay my partner in kind for our hospitality. There was no need to pay: after all you were a guest.
Said that, a gesture like offering to take us out to dinner one night - and nowhere fancy, after all this is Penge - would have gone a long way to say thank you for the 8 dinners and breakfasts you had with us.
And we would have probably said no, anyway.
You went to a neighbours' BBQ where drinks and food were expected empty-handed. You chose to spend your money on fancy teas to take home instead.
I do appreciate that money may be a concern to you but it is to us as well: my husband was and is after all unemployed.
Nothing ever seemed to be quite good enough: whether it was the small washing machine (which you even used to do some of your laundry the night before you went back, to save time and money I guess) or the feather pillows and duvet which you blamed for your cold.
And when I offered you some Lemsip tablets for your cold, you took them all instead of taking the ones you needed for the night and buying some the following day (we found the empty box in the bin in the morning).
I bought you Jelly Babies and herbal tea and sweeteners but please don't drop any more hints about your dwindling tea supplies: I'd rather burn the fancy tea store down than mail you some.
I even had to ask you to buy a replacement for the mobile charger you lost because you just felt it was OK to leave me with a mobile that I couldn't use any longer.
When you left, we both felt we had been used (and abused) as a cheap free accommodation and couldn't quite believe what it had just happened.
I'm really sorry and I apologise to you and everyone else who has read this post, but I needed to get it off my chest and lay it to rest.
I am already feeling guilty because I know that you've been down lately.
I am not saying that you are a bad person. It is probably nobody's fault - maybe it's cultural differences or conflicting personalities.
I really hope that this won't put other people off from coming to visit us: I believe that we are decent and friendly people with no financial (or otherwise) expectations, apart from good manners and consideration.
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danthered !
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quemadmodum. 
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timeasmymeasure
